


i love your everything

by teletubabe



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 22:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10522851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teletubabe/pseuds/teletubabe
Summary: Madge starts college and meets all different kinds of people, but it's the dark haired, grey eyed, boyish type that she's most drawn to.





	

** Freshman Year **

 

At 18, Madge Undersee is full of dreams and ideals that she insists will come true.  High school weighed her down and only made her eager to break free into the world around her, and college is where her life will change for the better.  She’s studying music (and minoring in business, after all she’s not _that_ delusional) hoping to pursue her passion and find a way to make money off of it, no less.  It’s all mapped out - study in college while taking internships to build her network and eventually start her own business or find somewhere that will let her perform.

 

Of course, she has other dreams too.  Her eyes wander around campus, knowing that her future man is out there somewhere.  She has enough confidence, knows she has options, but the man of her dreams isn’t the type she’ll meet while sleeping around and “just having fun.”  He’s compassionate and he’s in the dusty corners of the library, or the back table of the coffee shop waiting to be found.

 

Johanna Mason is the first person to burst her bubble.

 

“All the boys here are _just that._ Boys.”  Madge wants to ask how she knows that’s true, and whether she’s serious or not.  She doesn’t know how she finds herself outside their residence building, leaning against the old brick and watching Johanna smoke a cigarette, but she’s intrigued and wants to know whether this nonchalance and wit is all for show or not.

 

“You’d expect them to make some massive change after high school, for them to become better people, but it doesn’t happen.  Maybe it’s something in the water here, accelerates their testosterone production or something and fogs up their brains,” the redhead jokes, and Madge laughs tritely.  Johanna keeps a straight face, but Madge knows it’s meant to be funny.  She’s convinced that half the reason Jo decides to hang out with her is because she laughs at all her jokes.

 

Her friend ashes her cigarette butt against the wall, extinguishing the ember, tossing it to the ground and pulling out her pack.  For the second time tonight she offers Madge a smoke, but the blonde politely declines.  She’s just looking for a friend, not for a vice, and besides, addiction runs in her family.

 

Johanna cups her hand, shielding the wind from her lighter and pulling away once it’s lit.  “You know, I consider myself a sexually fluid person.  I’ll sleep with whoever, fall for whoever.  But at _this school?_  I can’t.  I’m now gay by circumstance.”

 

Her humour is facetious, poorly timed and very sarcastic.  But Madge knows she wants to talk to her more.  She’s the kind of person Madge wants to say she met in college, she’s nothing like the pampered and polite kids she went to grade school with.  Automatically they become friends.  Madge is yet to figure out why Johanna spends time with an average girl like her, but she doesn’t question it.

 

Well the truth is, she doesn’t have time to, because Katniss Everdeen bursts her bubble again just a few days later in her Introduction to Business seminar.

 

It’s a subtle burst.  More like a nudge than a prick.  Madge is listening to the professor’s every word, taking vigorous notes and raising her hand when she has the chance.  The lecture hall has over 500 students, there’s no chance she’d get picked, but she recites every answer in her head when the professor picks someone else.  She reviewed the course material over the summer and remembers it all quite well.

 

“Alright, we’re starting easy folks,” the professor insists, standing at the podium and looking out into the crowds of students.  “Who can tell me the basic goals of a business?  What does a business strive to do in all aspects?  Brainstorm, think big.”

 

The middle aged man starts to randomly pick students from the lecture hall, regardless of whether their hands are up or not.

 

“You.  Any ideas?”

 

“Uh… maximizing profit?”

 

“Is that a question?”

 

“No sir.”

 

“I’m not a sir, I’m a professor!  Nevertheless, yes, maximizing their own profit.  Good, we understand that everyone wants money.  What else?  You, in the front.”

 

“Social benefit, professor.”

 

“Yes, reputation is everything these days, isn’t it?  Companies need to have social responsibility, or else damn them to hell.  You!”

 

“Pleasing shareholders.”

 

“Sure, I’ll take that.  What about you here, penny for your thoughts?”

 

Madge is still taking notes, barely looking up when she realizes the professor is pointing at her, gesturing for her to speak up.  She feels hundreds of eyes burning back at her, and she immediately panics.  Everything she had reviewed goes out the door.

 

“Um… well I guess… social contract?”

 

“Could you speak up a little bit, please?”

 

Madge coughs, clearing her throat.  “Businesses need to uphold a social contract with society.”

 

“And what’s your name, Miss?”

 

“Madge Undersee.”

 

“Well, Ms. Undersee.  Good to know you’ve been paying attention to your last few classmates, but that is practically the same thing as what we’ve mentioned!  I want something new.”

 

Her face burns up and she’s never felt more humiliated.  Of course she has to make herself look like an idiot in front of her professor and hundreds of classmates.  She knows the answer, she just couldn’t articulate it.  Silently she racks her brain for another business objective, swearing it’s in her mind somewhere when the professor moves onto someone new.

 

“Okay, you in the back!  Brooding, on her phone.  What do you think?”

 

Madge turns her head to look at the girl - pretty but dishevelled, and Madge silently shames her for not paying attention.

 

“Sorry, what was the question?” the dark haired girl asks, straightening up in her seat.

 

“A goal of a business, besides profit, social responsibility and pleasing shareholders,” the professor reiterates.  He doesn’t seem annoyed, but Madge doesn’t understand why.

 

The girl takes her time to think, and Madge just knows that she’s stuck too.  But just as she starts celebrating a little bit for not looking too stupid, the girl raises her voice.

 

“Innovation.”

 

“Ah, very interesting,” the professor nods, pleased with the word he’s milked out of her.  “Businesses are always looking to produce innovative product, something new to break through the markets, isn’t that right Miss…”

 

“Everdeen.  Katniss Everdeen.”

 

And just like that, all of Madge's expectations about breezing through her classes and coming out on top are shaken into reality.  She's a nervous wreck, and will have to try twice as hard to put herself out there no matter how much she studies. There are people like Katniss who only need to exist for people to love them, who are smart without putting in the effort.

 

Of course, the dark haired girl doesn't mean ill.  Katniss runs up to Madge after class and apologizes for perhaps making her look bad.  It's ridiculous, she did nothing wrong and has nothing to be sorry for.  But Madge accepts her approach as an invitation, and Made likes to think that she walked away making another new friend.

 

Katniss turns out to be nice - really nice, actually.  Neither of them are very outspoken or overt, but when they study together sitting in Madge’s dorm room, she feels a strong connection to the girl.  Katniss makes her comfortable and and she's incredibly driven.  She's on scholarship, trying to make a better life for herself and her family.

 

It's Katniss who drags Madge to her first college party.  It’s at a fraternity house, somewhere grimy and crowded but there’s something about the air and the music that make her feel more free, almost relieved to be here.

 

“I don’t see any other freshmen,” she shouts over the pounding bass, while Katniss walks through the house as if she’s searching for someone.  “How did you find out about this place?”

 

“My friend, he goes to school here too.  He’s in second year and he invited me out.”  Sounds like a date if Madge’s ever heard of one.

 

“Are you sure it’s okay I tagged along?  I don’t want to overstep or anything…”

 

“Madge, relax.  It’s just a house party, there’s no guest list.  Besides, Gale told me to bring a friend.”

 

She wants to say that she’s probably not what Gale’s buddies are expecting when they say “bring a friend.”  Madge would never touch anyone in a place like this, at least not if they were a stranger, and her brain is more focused on the midterms that are coming up than mingling with fraternity brothers tonight.

 

But just as she nods in agreement, knowing she has to loosen up a little bit a voice comes booming in from down the hall.

 

“Catnip!  Didn’t think you were going to show.”

 

Madge turns her head and sees where the voice is coming from, and he’s a gorgeous boy.  Tall and dark haired with the most captivating eyes she's ever stared into.  He leans in to give Katniss a hug and Madge has to remember that he invited Katniss here, probably likes her too.

 

“Hey, Gale.  This is Madge Undersee, she’s in my business class.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Undersee, I'm Gale Hawthorne,” he grins, taking her hand and kissing the back of it, making her blush red.  He’s definitely had a bit to drink, because he’s standing closer to her than he probably should.  He towers over her and Madge is nervous.

 

That’s the only interaction they share that night, but Madge notices him, and she’ll definitely remember him.  How could anyone forget his piercing grey eyes and angular, handsome face?  She sees the way he talks to Katniss and the way they are together: relaxed and comfortable around each other in a way that shows he’s definitely into her.  Madge won’t bring it up to her friend though, Katniss will come to her own realization in her own time.

 

It takes more time than expected for anything to happen between Katniss and Gale.  Madge sees him around campus with various different girls, whispering in their ears and holding their hands.  She doesn’t judge him, because if she was more brave and confident she’d probably do the same thing.  She’s desperate for love at this point, or what she pictures love would be like.  Her only qualm with Gale’s dates is that she knows he likes Katniss and doesn’t understand why he doesn’t do something about it.  Perhaps it’s more complicated than that, but it seems rather simple to her.

 

So, because she’s nosy and lives vicariously through everyone else’s romance, she takes matters into her own hands and confronts Katniss.

 

“Do you like Gale?”

 

“What?”

 

“Do you like Gale as more than a friend?”

 

Katniss looks up from her textbook and stares at Madge as if she’s speaking a different language.  They’re in her dorm room cramming Marketing, they have a huge exam coming up in a few days and both of them are set on giving it their all.

 

“No,” she answers quickly, but then pausing to really think about it.  “I don’t know, I don’t think I do.”

 

“What does that even mean?”

 

“Do _you_ think I like him?”

 

“You’re asking me if I think you feel romantically attracted to Gale Hawthorne?” Madge questions in disbelief.  But her friend just nods, knowing that she has an answer in mind anyway.  “Yes.  Well, I don’t know.  I can’t speak for your emotions.  But I think he likes you.”

 

“Really?”

 

Katniss had told her all about her relationship with Gale.  They’ve been friends since childhood and were always side by side.  She just like Madge though; she hasn’t dated that much or had too much experience with those emotions.  So if she’s oblivious, it makes sense.

 

“Hey, I’m not qualified in speaking for anybody, it’s just what I’ve observed.  You don’t have to do anything about it if you don’t want to.”

 

And Katniss clearly does want to, and so does Gale.  Madge doesn’t prod into it to much though, because she doesn’t want to meddle in anyone else’s business.  So she doesn’t bother asking for a couple of months, going to classes and biting her tongue whenever she wants to tell Katniss to wake up.

 

Except one day she’s sitting with Johanna in a coffee shop studying and chatting when her friend practically spews out her americano.

 

“Look, Madge.  Look what you’ve done.”

 

“What?” she asks confusedly, straining her head to get a better look.  It’s Katniss and Gale, awkwardly holding hands on the quad and walking together.

 

“Wow,” Jo sighs.  “That’s adorably uncomfortable.”

 

“What do you mean?  I think it’s cute.”

 

“Sure, if there’s something cute about an emasculated giraffe to you,” she rebukes, making Madge snort with laughter.  Gale just seems nervous, and that warms her heart because it also means he’s really into her friend.

 

And all of that awkwardness goes away soon, because they actually start dating and they seem to go back to their normal dynamic of joking around and coexisting comfortably.  Madge starts to see more of him in the hallways of her dorm, walking towards Katniss’s room with a stack of movies or dinner.

 

Katniss and Gale become steady, soon months go by and it’s the end of the second semester already.  And Madge isn’t concentrated on dating or romance right now, at least that’s what she tells herself.  College is a lot of handle, and plenty of people take their first year to put themselves together before they start searching for someone special.  She knows that she shouldn’t be so attached to that idyllic idea of romance, but she holds onto it no matter what Jo says.

 

One night she left the music building particularly late, she was practicing and composing a new piece for her final assignment when she sees Gale sat outside Katniss’s room on the floor with a bag of food next to him.  She’s cautious to approach him, he looks tired and upset.

 

“Hey, Gale,” she greets softly, trying not to startle him.  He still flinches though, taking a beat before looking up at her and smiling back.

 

“Hey Undersee.”

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Oh, Catnip and I do dinner on Wednesday’s, but she isn’t in her dorm I think.  So I’m just waiting for her to get back.”

 

“Katniss went home to visit her mom and her sister, I think,” Madge recalls, staring sympathetically into his eyes.  They’re grey and so clear, and she knows it’s wrong to think that her best friend’s boyfriend is handsome but no person attracted to men would disagree with the fact.

 

“Fuck, are you serious?”

 

“Mhm,” is all she can give him.  She tentatively sits across from him on the floor, trying to give him company.  Katniss is a forgetful person sometimes, but it sucks that she didn’t remind him that she was going away for the end of the week.  No one deserves that, but Madge knows she didn’t mean ill.

 

She observes Gale as he rakes a hand through his tousled hair.  Finally he looks straight across the hallway back at her, giving a silent thank you and acknowledging her care.  “Well, are you hungry?”

 

“A little bit, I mean, why?”

 

“Because I have falafel for two people, it’s still warm.  We can eat it out here, I just don’t want to waste it.”

 

Madge thinks about it for a little bit, ignoring the growling in her stomach.  “I don’t know, isn’t that kind of weird?  Like, I’m eating the food you bought for your date or something?”

 

“I don’t fucking know.  You don’t have to.  Just, when I grew up we didn’t have the money to think about those things.  When we had food, we ate it, otherwise it was a waste.”

 

He’s not insinuating anything about her, just telling her about his life.  And that’s the first time she really learns something about Gale Hawthorne the person, not Gale Hawthorne the boyfriend of Katniss.  Madge admires him for what he said, so she urges him to pass her a falafel bowl; they eat while chatting absentmindedly in the hallway.

 

“Are you doing anything this summer?” he asks conversationally.

 

“Yeah, I’m travelling with my parents, I think.”

 

Gale raises his eyebrow, it’s adorable.  “You think?”

 

“My parents sort of control my life, so I don’t know if they’ve made plans or not,” Madge admits while shrugging.  “What about you?”

 

“I’m working back at home.”

 

“Oh?  What kind of work?”

 

“I been doing mechanic work as a summer job since high school, so that’s what I’ll be up to.”

 

“I take it Katniss will be back at your hometown too.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, that’s the plan,” Gale nods.  Madge doesn’t bother to ask about how their relationship is doing, this is the first time she’s really ever talked to the boy anyways, that would just be intrusive.  But she knows that he’s sweet and he’s caring.  She’s glad that she met him in her freshman year.

 

The whole interaction was painfully platonic.  But still, she wouldn’t tell Katniss about it unless she asked.

 

* * *

 

 

** Sophomore Year **

 

He’s the first person she bumps into when she’s moving into residence in the fall.  But while she’s moving boxes in, he’s moving boxes out of the building and they practically collide with each other.

 

“Woah, Undersee!  Slow down,” he chuckles, putting down his box and nodding up at her.  He got tan over the summer, and clearly all that manual labour paid off in some sort of way, not that she’d ever tell him that.

 

“Sorry,” she apologizes embarrassedly.  “Hi, how was your summer?”

 

“Good, it’s better to be back though,” he admits.  “Are you moving in next to…”

 

“...Katniss, yeah.  I think we’re beside each other.  Funny that I’m the one moving closer to her, right?”

 

Even if it isn’t, he laughs anyways.  “Yeah, yeah.”  From what she’s heard from Katniss, their relationship is doing just fine, the summer alone back at home probably helped.

 

“Are you moving out?”

 

“I’m renting an apartment with a friend of mine, also in third year.  I just have some appliances and stuff that I left behind, so I’m bringing them over now.”

 

“What’s wrong with the dorms?”

 

“I like my privacy,” he shrugs boyishly, then checking his buzzing phone.  “Katniss is getting here soon.  I’m going to go put this box in my car and help her unpack.”

 

“Okay,” she nods.  “I’ll see you around, though?”

 

“Definitely, see you later, Undersee,” he fares, and Madge’s stare barely lingers as he walks down the hallway.

 

And the year starts to normalize itself as the week roll along.  She hangs out with Jo and Katniss, buries herself in her studies and rarely goes to parties.  She just doesn’t enjoy them - parties are all booming music and unnecessary socialization that she’d never want to commit herself to.  Madge knows who her friends are and will stay by them instead, even if Johanna does enjoy the occasional night out.

 

Gale goes out a lot too, but he doesn’t like it all that much either.

 

“I don’t know, I feel kind of obliged too.  It’s like the college experience, or whatever,” he explains as she stands in the hall with him, waiting for Katniss to come back from class.

 

“Okay, sure.  Studying is also part of the college experience.”

 

Gale chuckles and looks at her like she’s a child who just said something naive, and she doesn’t like it.  “Keep telling yourself that, Undersee.”

 

“Hi!” they hear from down the hall, and when they look over it’s Katniss jogging over to greet them.  When she approaches, she pecks Gale on the cheek and smiles, turning to Madge.  “Hey Madge.”

 

“Hey.  I was just going into my room and I um, I saw Gale standing here and thought he could use some company,” she blabbers, not really sure why she’s making excuses for something she didn’t even do.

 

“Okay,” her friend nods, waving goodbye to her.  Madge quickly retreats into her dorm, shaking the uneasy feeling from her bones and opening up her textbooks.

 

Classes are no different than last year.  If anything they're more interesting because more of her courses are chosen.  Her music program is flexible, so she's taking classes in jazz, classical and contemporary piano playing throughout the year.  It means some late nights practicing in the private music rooms, but Madge loves it nonetheless and goes willingly, no matter what her parents think of her major.

One weekend her best friend from home comes to visit, and she loves showing Delly all around the campus and introducing her to all her friends.

"It's so awesome here," Delly exclaims as they walk through the quad.  "If I went here I'd walk downtown everyday, go to a park to study, or a coffee shop..."

"It's not too late to apply for next semester," Madge reminds her, really just wishing she could see her best friend more often.

  
But Delly just shrugs, continuing to walk without making eye contact.  "You know I can't."

  
"I know," she sighs, observing her friend's face carefully.  "How's Eli?"

  
"He's good," she smiles with a hint of her regular positivity.  "He just finished his second round of chemo.  He's so strong."

  
Delly's 10 brother, Elijah, was diagnosed with leukaemia when the girls were in their final year of high school.   With her mom between jobs and everything uncertain, suddenly all of Delly and Madge's joint plans of going to college together and being dorm mates and everything were forgotten.  Delly was going to stay at home to take care of him, work a little bit and keep her home in check.  And Madge went off by herself to school, perpetually missing her other half and wishing she was here with her.

  
"You're strong too, Dell," Madge reminds.  "So strong."

"Thanks," she shrugs.  Madge knows that Delly doesn't see it all the time, but she's such an incredible person who deserves everything she works for.  Even though Madge's not around all the time to tell her that, she hopes that one day she finds someone who can.

"Have I showed you the library yet?" she asks, changing the subject and pointing to the gigantic building.

  
Delly shakes her head, so they go in.  On the first floor Katniss and Gale are studying together, and they automatically wave when they see their friend approaching.

  
"Hey guys, this is Delly.  My best friend from home."

  
Katniss is a bit withdrawn, smiling politely and saying hi, but Gale stands to join them and greets her proper.

  
"Hi, I'm Gale Hawthorne, nice to meet you."

  
"Delly Cartwright," she answers back, amused by his insistence to use full names.  "Sorry to interrupt your studying."

  
"Don't worry about it, if you're friends with Undersee we're bound to like you too," he jokes, and Madge is almost surprised by how positively he sees her.  Maybe he's just a nice person, he definitely is.

  
When they leave the couple alone and tour the rest of the study spaces, Delly keeps looking back at them sitting at their little table near the front.

  
"Why do you keep looking at them?"

  
She shrugs.  "They seem really nice, I like Gale.  Are they friends?  Cousins, or..."

  
"Dell!" Madge accuses, laughing lightly.  "Try boyfriend and girlfriend."

  
Her friend's eyes bulge in surprise.  "Really?"

  
"Why, because they look similar?"

  
"No, not even that.  I don't know.  I just didn't get coupley vibes from them," she replies vaguely.  Madge doesn't really get it, but maybe it's just because she's so used to the way Gale and Katniss act together.  "I have no idea, though.  It's probably just my premonitions," Delly adds.  "I'm sure they're great together."

  
After a month or two though, Madge isn't so sure either, though.  It's not like Gale and Katniss are fighting every waking hour of the day, but she just doesn't really see them having fun together like they used to anymore.  Other people notice too, Johanna snickers about it one night in her dorm room.  Madge came over to her friend's dorm and they're sipping on boxed wine in plastic cups and giggling their drunk asses off.

  
"They just slug around together.  Have you even seen them look at each other in - I don't know - the past two weeks?"

  
Madge tries to recall but honestly can't, and it sets off another fit of guilty laughter.  "I'm sure that they make eye contact, Jo."

  
Her friend stands by her point.  "I'm not.  Plus, whenever Everdeen's with him she just looks super bored.  Like, dating him is a chore that her mother put her up to or something."

  
Jo is harsh, but she's right.  It doesn't look like they're having fun anymore or connecting, and Madge sympathizes for the both of them.  

  
Sometime in December she's writing her midterm papers with Katniss in her dorm when Gale knocks on the door.  He greets them shyly, waving curtly at Madge and nodding at Katniss.  He looks cute; he's wearing a button down shirt and did his hair.

 

"Hey, are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" Katniss asks, confused and caught off guard.

"To go out.  It's Wednesday, I thought we could do something more special than just take out so I got us a reservation at the new sushi place.  And there's a party at a student house, we could go afterwards."

  
His girlfriend sighs, running fingers through her hair and gesturing at her laptop.  "I told you that I wanted to finish this assignment tonight, didn't I?"

  
"I don't remember you saying that."

  
"I did, and I honestly mean it, Gale.  I'm so sorry, I just don't think I can afford the time to go out tonight.  You can stay here if you'd like, but I also don't think I'll be a lot of fun right now.  I'm stressed out as hell."

  
Gale stares blankly for a little bit in disbelief, and then nods in understanding.  "Don't worry.  I'll leave."

  
"Bye.  Love you," she replies, waving him out.

  
"Love you too.  Good luck with your assignment," he mumbles, leaving and closing the door gently.

  
Madge witnesses the whole awkward interaction passively, confused and a little shocked that it all just happened before her eyes.  It's clear that they're having issues, Gale deserved more than just an excuse to satisfy the fact that he probably misses his girlfriend.  And Katniss clearly has things going on that she hasn't communicated to him, and it's probably eating her up.

  
"That was kind of harsh," she whispers after a couple of minutes of silence, and Katniss barely looks up at her friend before rolling her eyes.

  
"It's fine.  He hates going out anyways.  I don't know why he insists on doing it every single week."

  
Katniss thinks she's doing this for him in a skewed kind of way, and Madge can't really wrap her head around it.  Her best guess is that Katniss has a lot of other things left unsaid, and it just isn't translating well when it comes to complicated things like romance.  Lately, they're friendship has been more of an acquaintance.  They study together and hang out together, but they don't open up to each other the way that Madge can with Jo or with Delly.

  
That's why it comes as a surprise to her when she comes back from the winter holidays to hear the news - Katniss broke up with Gale after Christmas.  According to Jo it was harsh, and he didn't see it coming.

  
The rumours are all confirmed when Madge doesn't see him hanging around the halls of their dorm anymore and she never sees them together anymore.  It's sad because they were friends before they were anything else, and now they don't seem to be anything at all.  Losing that kind of friendship is hard, Madge hopes that they get past the awkward tension and can go back to even a fraction of the friendship they had before.

 

But for selfish reasons, she’ll also miss their little conversations in the hallways and their second-hand relationship.  Gale is nice to her and he’s so understanding too.  Madge knows that sometimes he can be guarded or have strong opinions about people, but she's happy that he finds her at least bearable.

 

Madge bumps into him one day, literally, leaving the athletic complex.  She just finished a run on the treadmill, it was one of her New Year’s resolutions to keep in shape after all.  But Gale has his earbuds in and doesn’t see her when he’s walking with his head down.

 

“Woah!” she exclaims when she barely dodges his line of attack, and Gale snaps out of his trance.  “Watch where you’re going a little bit, Hawthorne.”

 

Gale carefully wraps up the cord of his earbuds and chuckles embarrassedly at his mindlessness.  “Sorry, Undersee.”

 

“Were you listening to your ‘pump-up’ music?” she laughs, jibing him jokingly.

 

“No I just- I um…”  For once, Gale is flustered.  It’s a strange sight, but it warms her heart for some odd reason.  “I’m sorry, really I am.  Wasn’t watching where I was going.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, I was just kidding around,” she promises, accepting all of his profuse apologies with no hesitation.  Madge pauses and wonders how long it’s been since they’ve talked, it was well before the break, before the split… “How have you been doing?”

 

He shrugs and grimaces sardonically.  “Why?  Are you reporting back to Katniss?”

 

Madge lets out a noise of humour in disbelief that he would even think that.  “No, I was just concerned about your wellbeing.  As a friend.”  It’s sad that he would think that, that she would prioritize petty drama over a good talk.  “But sure, I guess I’m asking about her too.”

 

“Well, did she tell you anything about it?”  Madge shakes her head, so he continues.  “It was over the phone, she had come back to school early and I was still at home.  Said that she just couldn’t date me like that anymore, said that the relationship was killing her, something like that.”

 

Katniss was never perfect at articulating her thoughts into words, but even that seems particularly harsh.  Madge grimaces at the thought of getting a call like that.  She doesn’t know why Gale is telling her this, she suspects that he doesn’t have many other friends he can open up to about these kinds of things and he’s kept it all in.  

 

“Geez.  That really fucking sucks.  I’m sorry, Gale.”

 

“But how am I doing?  I'm okay.  Going to the gym more, overthinking things less,” he offers vaguely.

 

Despite the fact that he told her how Katniss broke up with him, he’s still rather guarded.  She reads it in his face that he’s hurting, or confused or frustrated, but she doesn’t bother to pry if he doesn't want to talk about it.  Especially if he doesn't trust her.

 

So she does the only sensible thing she can think of - she avoids him.

 

Not actively, just enough to remember that he doesn't really want her around.  Madge feels pathetic, because Gale probably hasn't even thought twice about the fact that they've been bumping into each other less, while she's obsessing over every little thing.  She's still not sure why she thinks about him so much; for someone who plays such a small role in her real life, he sure does occupy a good part of her brain.

 

Until a couple weeks later when she’s walking through the campus in the late afternoon from the music hall to the dorms.

 

“Undersee!  Hey, Madge!” she hears from behind her, and because she knows that voice and never hears him call her by her first name, she has to turn around.

 

“Hey,” she replies, smiling politely at Gale.  He’s with some of his friends, other third year’s that she’s seen around at his parties.  When Madge looks at his face, he’s staring at her eagerly like he’s been waiting to see her all week, and it brings heat to her chest that spreads up to her cheeks.

 

“It’s been a while,” he states plainly, and they both know it’s true.

 

“Yeah,” she agrees, deciding to be honest.  “I just don’t know where we stand right now, you know?  Ever since Katniss…”

 

“Broke up with me?” he laughs, but he doesn’t sound bitter.  She assumes that by the end of the relationship Gale didn’t think their romance was worth holding onto either, he’s probably just bitter at the way she did it.  He takes those things seriously, not being an asshole and all that.  So she nods in response, and he shrugs back.  “Who cares.  I thought we were above all that stuff,” he says, and it almost makes her breath catch but she keeps her composure.  It's such a juxtaposition from the hurt and defensive guy who ran into her at the gym.

 

“Above what?” she asks for clarification, but all he does is shrug as it he doesn’t know what he means either.

 

“I miss you.”  Madge just about screams right then and there, but she holds it in as Gale keeps talking.  “Let’s hang out, do you have time right now?”

 

“Yes,” she answers quickly, and then she looks over at his friends chatting casually in the back.  “What are you doing?”

 

Gale’s face changes into something mischievous and then he chuckles.  “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.  Really, we could split up from them and go to hang somewhere else…”

 

“No, tell me,” she laughs, more curious than before.

 

“Undersee,” he starts.  “Have you ever smoked a joint before?”

 

* * *

  

Her whole head is swimming yet perfectly clear at the same time.  Like, she’s hyper aware of everything she concentrates on but completely oblivious to everything else.  Madge had tried to smoke before, but she had mostly just ended up sitting there feeling no effects while her friends got all loopy; apparently, she hadn’t been doing it right.

 

But right now she’s gone.  She’s sitting across from Gale in someone else’s dorm room and there are a couple of people with them, but she pays them no attention.  Her eyes are locked on Gale’s and when she looks into his grey, grey eyes for long enough she just wants to dive into them.

 

“Woah,” she laughs, giggling at the loss of control.

 

Gale chuckles.  “Yup.  Woah is right.”

 

“Thank you for inviting me to… this,” Madge says awkwardly, feeling grateful but having a hard time grasping the words to express it.

 

“Sure, of course.  I’m happy you’re here.  ‘Cause you’re cool, Undersee.  I miss seeing you around the dorms and stuff like that,” Gale admits.  She knows people react differently to being high, but she doesn’t know how Gale is so composed and _chill_ when her own brain is hyperactive and her train of thought is so jumpy.  He seems just like himself, but maybe a bit more relaxed, a little more honest.

 

His words cause her to blush profusely, but she hopes he doesn’t notice.  “You’re cool too.”

 

“Hawthorne!” his friend calls at the door.  “We’re going to get some food down the street.  Do you two want any snacks?”

 

Gale nods at Madge and asks.  “I’m good.  But do you want anything?”

 

Suddenly her stomach feels like an endless pit and she’s craving anything.  She thinks for a little bit and then nods.  “Salt & Vinegar chips.”

 

“Okay, got it.  You two be good,” the guy snickers as he leaves the room with a couple others.

 

It’s just the two of them now, and even when the insinuation of the two of them doing anything physical in here has her blushing evermore, it’s definitely not like that.  Gale is her friend, someone that just broke up with her best friend and he’s off limits, even if her drugged brain likes to ogle him more than it should.

 

“How are you doing?” he asks when his friends are long gone, just checking in with her.  “Feeling okay?”

 

“I feel awesome,” Madge nods.  She likes the idea of Gale taking care of her, even if it's something like this.  “Are _you_ feeling okay?”

 

“I'm a lot better than I think I should be,” he replies, and suddenly they're not talking about the effects marijuana anymore.  “I think… I think I was upset because it happened, but I'm realizing now that this is good for me.”

 

“You're talking about Katniss and-”

 

“Of course,” Gale chuckles.  “What else would I be talking about, Madge?”

 

“I don't know,” she admits coyly.  “So… you feel good now.”

 

“Yeah, I do.  And maybe I’m just fried, but I just feel like I can be a new person now, you know?  It's so fucking nice to just relax.”

 

“Did Katniss not let you-”

 

“Oh no, she was fine about it.  She just didn't like it much herself, so I figured that I could just stop because I didn't need it.  I mean, it’s pot, it isn't like I ever smoked everyday or was addicted or anything.  I don't even think that’s possible,” Gale rambles, and Madge doesn't even call him out for cutting her off when she's so curious to listen to his brain.  “This is the second time since Christmas, I think.  I'm not a stoner.”

 

“I wouldn't think any less of you if you were,” Madge reassures, and Gale smiles back in response.

 

“You're sweet as hell, Undersee.  You're really nice,” he muses, it seems like a thought more than an actual compliment, but she eats it right up nonetheless.

 

They fall into a routine after that day.  The routine mostly just consists of Madge acknowledging him again, they say hi and exchange small conversations when they pass each other on campus.  If anything, half the routine is an internal allowance for her to think about him all the time.  She used to put those thoughts away and never dwell on them, but now she lets her mind wander and she lets herself stare at his face for longer than she would've.

 

They hang out alone a couple times too, mostly with other people and always off campus.  Even if she could pass the whole relationship off as platonic, Madge doesn't know how she would explain herself if Katniss saw them hanging out together.  She's still trying to figure out the right words to say, and who knows, if nothing happens between her and Gale than she won't have to say anything.

 

But then towards the end of the year, he asks her to go out with him.  Gale drops the idea casually, bringing it up the day before and passing it off as nothing.  But the idea makes her heart race, so she easily obliges.

 

"Wow, he really is trying, isn't he?" Jo comments when Madge tells her the news.

 

"Trying what?"

 

"To win you over," she shrugs casually.  "You should go.  I have the perfect dress for you, I'll doll you up and everything."

 

The dress is an emerald green shimmery slip, it's barely any fabric but it's not too tight at all, falling loosely to her upper thighs.  It's just outside of her comfort zone, Madge feels a bit sexy in it and loves the way Gale looks at her when she's in it.

 

"You look good," he puts simply as they walk down the city streets.  He keeps glancing at her legs, and Madge blushes.

 

"Thanks.  Where are we going, exactly?"

 

"Do you know Fiction? The..."

 

"...night club?  Yeah, I know it.  I've never been."

 

"Shit, you aren't 21 are you?" he recognizes anxiously while running a hand through his hair.  "I didn't think that through."

 

"It's okay.  I have a fake," she remembers, opening her purse to make sure she brought it.

 

Gale raises a brow.  "You do?"

 

"Yeah, Jo had it made for me.  It was my birthday present last year or something," she explains, and both of them laugh.  "I haven't really used it, I guess it comes in handy now."

 

"Thank God for Johanna Mason."

 

Madge chuckles and couldn't agree more.  "You can say that again."

 

"I feel bad though, you know?  Pulling you to smoke with my friends.  Taking you out to a club.  I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me."

 

"It's fine," she insists, honestly that thought hadn't even crossed her mind once.  "What else is there to do in college, right?"

 

"I just didn't know if you'd be into it," Gale admits.  "I'm surprised that you are."

 

"I'm just into you," Madge scoffs, with a bit more bravery.  Gale spins his head around and stares, surprised by her announcement.  "You aren't ruining me, and I definitely could've been into it anyway.  Don't worry Gale, you didn't make me."

 

Gale stares at her with a glint of something else in his eyes, speechless.  She's scared she said something wrong for a second, waiting for a clear reaction or something to tell her how to act.  And then he looks forward, smirking and signalling to turn on the sidewalk.  After a few more moments, he speaks.

 

"Of course I didn't make you.  How could I have?"

 

So that's their agreement, and Madge smiles proudly all the way to the club.  The whole night they dance and laugh, they order a couple drinks and talk to other club goers.  There aren't any other students from the college, or even if there were it's too dark for them to be recognized anyway.  So for a few hours Madge just relishes in the feeling of the two of them alone, only surrounded by energy and that ambient buzz you can't get out of your ears.

 

Afterwards they take a cab back to her dorm, Gale says that he can walk the few minutes back to his place.  But the summer air is still warm so she insists that they stay outside for a while longer, Madge really just doesn't want to part ways after one of the best nights of her life.

 

When they're sitting on a bench outside the residence, they're both still buzzed and laughing at every other word.  

  
"I can't believe this stupid thing worked," she laughs, waving around the fake I.D..  "The bouncer barely checked."

  
"Hey, don't be mean to it.  It did you well," Gale chuckles.

  
"Whatever.  I won't need it next year anyway."

  
"You're right."   Now he's looking at her deeply and thoughtfully.  "Thanks for coming out with me tonight, Undersee."

  
"Of course, I had a lot of fun," she nods, smiling and brushing back a piece of hair.  

  
"I had a lot of fun too."

  
Gale seems like he still wants to say something or do something because his mouth is just slightly parted.  Madge doesn't tend to read signs often, but she takes a leap of faith and presses her mouth against his.

  
Instinctually his arms move to hug her waist, and Madge's move to around his neck, touching his soft hair and running her fingernails over his scalp.  They kiss slowly and purposefully, it's late enough for no one to walk by them anyway but they can't help but jump apart when there's a rustling from the bushes behind them.

  
Gale brings a hand up and cradles her face and slowly grazes her lips with his thumb.  Her heart is racing so quickly it might just jump out of her chest so she tries to stay still while he stares at her mouth.

  
"I want you so fucking much," he whispers, but the words barely slip out before Madge silences him with another soft kiss.

  
"Me too," she admits against his lips.  

  
They want to do more and go into her dorm, but Madge knows they shouldn't.  Not now, not when the night's already been so magical.  Not when Katniss is asleep next door, and as much as Madge wouldn't like to admit, there are still open wounds that are not dealt with on that front.  So they part with a couple more kisses that only imply anything more, wandering hands and suggestive whispers that make her shiver.

 

She's about to get up and walk right back into her residence before Gale pulls her down again.

 

“Listen, Undersee - Madge,” he corrects, laughing at himself a little bit for sticking to old habits.  “I know this is happening really fast, I just want you to know that I'm on board, and if you think I'm moving on you too quickly it's because I like you, a lot.  No jokes.”

 

“Okay,” she nods, finding comfort in his words of reassurance.  “It's fast but it's good.  It doesn't feel rushed.”

 

“I feel the same way,” Gale exclaims, seeming glad that they're on the same page.  His face softens from excited to adoring, tugging her hands so that she veers closer to his body.  “I'll see you around this summer, right?”

 

“Yeah, we’re both doing summer school,” Madge reminds him.  “Should be _loads_ of fun.”

 

“We can make it fun,” he suggests, and she supposes that she should laugh if only he’d stop staring at her lips in _that_ way.  The kind of way that makes her want to climb on top of him and let him do all the dirty things he whispered in her ear.

 

Instead, she presses a last kiss against his lips, a softer one that is less of an act of passion and more of an act of promise.

 

“Goodnight, Gale,” she whispers.

 

He nods and smiles.  “I'll see you around.”

 

Madge glances back at him when she walks through the doors into the building.  Gale sits on the bench for a little while longer by himself, smiling boyishly and contently before sauntering away.  

 

He's so good.  So good and so caring and so gorgeous and Madge just can't wait for the summer to roll along because her heart hasn't stopped fluttering since he met up with her this afternoon, and she wants to feel that way forever.

 

* * *

 

 

**Junior Year**

 

Madge starts her third year of school in some sort of love induced stupor.  She thinks about the love that she once dreamt about and the relationship she has now, and really can’t tell the difference between the two.

 

Her summer consisted of summer school and a bit of travelling.  Last year she had taken some extra electives and needed to catch up on two mandatory courses that she put aside, hence the extra classes.  But Gale was in the same position, and for that month they were engulfed in each other with no one else to bother them.

 

In every sense of the phrase, they courted each other.  Neither of their friends were still at school, so they spent every waking hour together, getting to know each other.  Madge would wait outside his classes so that afterwards they could go for a walk together, and he’d do the same for her.

 

She rarely even slept in her dorm those four weeks.  She mostly stayed in Gale’s empty condo, sleeping on his bed tucked into his body.

 

One night they decide to dress up all fancy and treat themselves to a lavish dinner.  Gale picked a fancy place in the city that they had to take a cab to get to, and Madge can’t get the image of him dressed in a suit out of her head.  The whole night they jibe, joking back and forth and pretending to be much more responsible and grown up than they really need to be.

 

And when they get back to his place, there’s energy running through her veins, the type that makes her ears ring.

 

“It was kind of windy out, are you cold?” she asks casually when they close the front door.

 

Gale just shrugs and laughs.  “Was is really?  I couldn’t tell you, I feel really flush.”

 

Madge raises a brow.  “Too much wine?”

 

“I don’t even like wine,” he confesses with a nod, and she drops her jaw in mocking disbelief.

 

“You could’ve told me that before I spent 80 dollars on a bottle of merlot at the restaurant.”

 

He shrugs and sheds her jacket for her, dropping it on the floor.  They’re standing so close together that Madge can smell hints of his worn-out cologne on his chest.  She can’t believe that this is her reality, she feels so fucking lucky.  “I’m sorry,” he chuckles.  “You offered to pay, remember that.  Plus, you picked the wine anyway, and I felt like drinking it was the adult thing to do.”

 

“I love wine,” she replies, not sure how else to justify her splurge on that bottle at dinner.  She drinks cheap wine with Jo whenever they find time for each other, and she drinks expensive wine when her parents send her too much money for summer expenses.

 

“Love, eh?  That’s a strong word.”

 

“I mean it.  And it’s only a strong word if you make it into one,” Madge ponders.  “I could say that I love many things and it wouldn’t matter one bit, but I don’t understand why it suddenly becomes such a big deal when you say, ‘I love you.’”

 

“So, I could tell you that I love that dress on you, or that I love your hair, and it wouldn’t have to be serious.”

 

“Do you mean it?”

 

“Yes.”  It makes her heart skip a beat, but she still plays along and pretends it means nothing.

 

“Exactly,” she hums.“This doesn’t have to be serious, you know, in that mundane sort of way.  Unless you want it to be, I guess.  I think it’s more fun this way.”

 

Madge isn’t sure why she tells him these things; maybe it’s because her life thus far has been mundane and predictable and Gale makes her feel like it could be otherwise.  He’s challenging and he’s fast paced, she doesn’t know how she catched up to him half the time.

 

“I love your face when you’re thinking about something,” he chuckles earnestly, and they’re both aware of the distance that’s been closed between them.

 

“I love that you noticed that.”

 

“Tell me more.”

 

“I love you in a suit,” Madge gulps.  “It makes me want to rip your clothes off.”

 

“Then do it,” he challenges, and suddenly they’re pressed tight and she’s necking him gently, enough to make him groan and gasp every couple of moments.

 

They’ve been fooling around almost everyday, getting closer and closer to really sleeping together.  Madge supposes that it’s bound to happen, and there’s no use in delaying it any longer.  She pulls hard on his tie with expert hands to unravel it and bites the skin behind his ear, and then she wishes she could listen to the sound of Gale’s guttural moans forever.

 

“Fuck,” he curses, and then everything blurs into pleasure and passion for them while she wishes she could savour the minutes.

 

Gale hikes up her dress and grabs her cheeks, kneading them and pulling her body even closer.  They’re practically flush if only she could make quicker work of his dress shirt.  When she finally gets the last two buttons and throws it off of his torso, it isn’t long before the rest of their clothes join it on the floor in a pile.

 

She always thought that she’d find a way to make it to the bedroom but she just can’t help herself.  When Gale lowers her onto the adjacent couch in only his boxers she tugs them down and reaches for his length.  It makes him hiss.

 

“Oh fuck,” he manages to spit out through gritting teeth, and then he laughs under his breath.  “I keep thinking that my roommate is going to walk through the door now.  Thank god he’s not.”

 

Madge has to agree, she doesn’t know how they will function when they don’t get the privacy that they get right now.  She doesn’t dwell on it through, not when Gale is teasing her through her panties, rubbing her apex with his fingers and pressing lightly on her clitoris.

 

The foreplay doesn’t last long.  Neither does she when he pushes into her deliberately, lips never leaving hers and cupping her breasts.  They fuck slowly and loudly, and when Madge comes apart she screams his name and muffles herself against the plain of his chest.

 

Gale follows soon after, letting out a low growl while his whole body tenses up.  When he’s finished he chuckles as if he can’t believe that was real and peppers kisses up her neck.

 

“You’re incredible,” he whispers against her mouth as her brain starts to absorb the rest of the world back, zooming out from just skin on skin and noticing their place in his apartment.

 

“Can we go to your bed?” she asks, feeling a little cold.  Or maybe the goosebumps are from something else.

 

“Yeah,” he replies sheepishly, maybe embarrassed that they only made it a couple of meters from the door too.

 

It’s ridiculous how quickly he can go from all passion to his regular boyishness.  But it’s what make her need him, he fills up every corner of her life and refuses to leave.  And after this, Madge doesn’t think she could let him.

 

* * *

 

“Look at those kids,” Gale points out while they’re sitting on a bench in the park just off campus.  At noon the local daycare always brings their children around here to play, Madge noticed this since school officially started.

 

“They’re so little,” she laughs, observing the way they hold themselves.  They’re just tiny adults,  all chatting and acting like they understand the whole world.

 

“Do you want to be a parent?”  It’s a serious question that didn’t come from a serious place, but Madge doesn’t panic.  She feels comfortable talking about anything with him at this point.

 

“Yes, someday,” Madge shrugs.

 

“Me too.”

 

“You’d make such a great dad,” she tells him, not to compliment him but just to be honest.

 

But Gale just raises a brow.  “Really?  You think so?”

 

“Sure,” she laughs, eating another spoonful of her yogurt.  The weather’s going to start darkening up soon.  She’s going to miss the days when they could eat lunch at the park together in t-shirts.

 

After a couple more minutes of watching the kids play, Gale clears his throat.  “I think we’d make a pretty good team.”

 

Madge holds her breath.  He’s teasing her, saying things to her that make her heart race and her imagination wander.  She knows it’s dangerous or naive but she can’t help herself, so she leans in closer to him and presses a kiss on his cheek.

 

“I think so too.”

 

* * *

 

The shower is warm enough as it patters down onto her back, and Madge closes her eyes and scrubs the soap on her skin, loving the feeling of being clean.

 

“I hate the dorm showers,” Gale mumbles from in front of her.  “They’re half the reason I decided to move out.”

 

Madge takes a dollop of soap and lathers it, rubbing it all over Gale’s torso too.  He feels so good, and when Gale closes his eyes and she looks down, she knows it feels good for him too.  It makes her smirk.  “They can’t be all bad.  The pressure is just right.”

 

“Does that really make it worth it, though?”

 

“There’s also good privacy.  We’ve been in here forever and no one else has come in,” she reasons.

 

Gale chuckles, stepping closer to her and bringing his hands down to cup her ass.  “Well, no one else showers at four in the afternoon, Undersee.  We’re fucking crazy, aren’t we?”

 

Madge doesn’t need to answer to confirm that it’s true.  Gale is sucking gently on her neck, coaxing a moan out of her, and she can’t help but let the words tumble out of her mouth.  “I love your mouth.”

 

He stops for a while, pausing to inspect her closely.  “Thanks, Undersee.  I love your eyes.”

 

“I love…” she starts, pausing to think of something to satisfy their rules.

 

Gale raises his eyebrows.  “What?”

 

“Your feet,” she shrugs jokingly while looking down, and Gale snorts.  “Really I do, the way they wiggle.  Wow, look at them go.”

 

“I love the way you kid, it’s perfect.”

 

“Careful,” she warns, knowing that those kinds of words are edging towards the line they’ve drawn.  “Careful when you go there.”

 

“What?  I mean it.  You’re witty and you’re smart as hell.  I can say it if it’s true, can’t I?”

 

Technically yes.  But the idea is that neither of them mean stuff like that, it has to be a lie.  They can love all the surface level stuff about each other, but nothing deeper, nothing scary that would complicate things or become insincere.

 

The emotions make Madge distracted, but she goes back to being flirtatious and sexy as fast as she catches herself.  Her hand comes out in between them and tugs lightly on Gale’s length, and it causes him to curse between his teeth.

 

“Do you love _that_?” she asks meekly, and Gale just shakes his head with a grin, as if he can’t believe this girl he’s with.

 

“Yeah, I fucking love that, Undersee.”

 

So she strokes him a bit more until he’s rock hard, and Gale growls with pleasure as he pushes her against the cold wall of the shower and kisses her up and down.  He nicks the tender skin on her neck and causes her to gasp out in pleasure.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers into her ear with conviction.  And it feels important, because it’s not an opinion to him, but a fact.  Gale says it like it’s not up for debate, it’s not part of their silly game or silly people around them, and that comforts her.  His words ground her like nothing else, and it’s scary yet reassuring.

 

“Thank you,” is all she can answer back, staring at his grey, grey eyes when he pulls back from his ministrations.  Then he chuckles, as if their awkward use of manners and spontaneous bouts of honesty are anything less than typical.

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

* * *

 

 

Katniss is in Madge’s room, trying to concentrate on studying but fiddling with her braid instead.  It isn’t a normal occurrence anymore, they mostly just study together out of habit these days, if Madge is being honest.

 

“I just feel like we haven’t caught up in so long.  I mean, I know everyone’s fourth year of college is busy, but could he really be _that_ busy?

 

“I don’t know,” she answers back vaguely, feeling guilty and stupid for not just saying something.  Gale feels like a touchy subject, and honestly Madge has no idea how Katniss would react if she found out that her two friends were fooling around.

 

It’s more than just fooling around though.  Things are moving comfortably fast, and even though sometimes she feels like she’s jumping in head first it all feels so right.  Gale is everything she wants, he understands her and makes her feel like a better person.  But she doesn’t know how to tell Katniss that; she doesn’t know how to tell her that she feels closer to her ex-boyfriend than she does anyone else at this school.  Madge shies away from those uncomfortable conversations, so instead she bites her tongue and continues to make notes for their management class.

 

And when she asks Gale about it, he doesn’t seem to want to change things either.

 

“What’s the point in telling her?  She’s only going to get angry, and I don’t want this to change,” he says, snuggled up behind her on his bed.  His mouth is trailing kisses down her neck, each one causing more of a shiver.

 

"I don't know, it just feels like the right thing."

 

"This feels more right," he replies, as if that's the only natural answer.  "And if one small lie is made so that this can last forever, wouldn't you want it to?"

 

Madge turns around to face him, smiling adoringly at this boy who makes her heart flip.  She loves Thursdays this year because after noon, neither of them have classes all day.  They hide away in his apartment the whole night, fucking, joking and talking.

 

"I love... your everything," she states simply, hoping to pass it off as just another one of their games.  But it means more than that, so much more.  She wants Gale to complete her and smother her with kisses like he always does forever and ever, and she hopes he understands that.

 

He stares and smiles.  "I love your everything too."

 

And they both know that it's college but neither of them care, they know they've found something important and intend to hold onto it.  Madge will keep Gale Hawthorne in her life at all costs if it means she'll be happier.

 

Over the winter holiday, while her parents fly off to a work conference somewhere in the Caribbean, he takes her home to meet his family.  Gale's mom seems hesitant about her at first, probably because of how quick this all came about from Katniss and Gale's break up.  But she warms up, and soon Hazelle is chatting happily with her and acting like her normal self, according to him.

 

And his siblings are all great, they all ask her too personal questions and bother Gale about his new girlfriend.

 

“Is your hair naturally that colour?” eleven year old Posy asks with wide eyes.

 

Madge nods kindly.  “Yeah, they’re all blondes on my mom’s side of the family.  Why, do you like it?”

 

“Yes.  I want to make my hair that colour, but my mother won’t let me.”

 

“Oh, well you have beautiful hair,” she replies sincerely, admiring Posy’s thick, dark hair that looks so sleek even while she’s just a child.  “I always wished I had dark hair.”

 

Posy crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.  “You’re only saying that because I have the same hair as Gale, aren’t you?”

 

That makes her laugh, looking over at Gale who’s in the kitchen helping his mom with dinner.  She _does_ love his hair, a dark, dark brown that is almost black, but you can see warmer tones in it when he steps into the sun.  She loves running her hands through it, especially when he sleeps in her lap and she strokes it to comfort him.

 

“You caught me, Posy.”

 

Honestly, Gale’s little sister is such a joy.  She’s a huge talker and she loves to ask questions, and Madge just hopes that never goes away.

 

At dinner she sees him smiling in between bites, and she can’t help but smile as well.  This is going really well, Madge barely enjoys herself half as much as right now when she goes back to her home.

 

“Hey Gale,” Rory starts, chewing with his mouth open.  Madge sees Hazelle physically bite her tongue from across the table, not wanting to comment on his manners.  “My friends and I, last week we found a beat up motorcycle at the back of a motorshop.  They said they could give it to us for free.”

 

Gale nods with interest and a bit of a laugh, implying some sort of backstory.  “Did you take it?”

 

“Are you kidding?  Mom would rip my head off,” Rory exclaims, which gets a sound of aggravation from Hazelle and a snort from Vick.

 

“And?  Did your friends take it?”

 

“Not yet.  I think they might.”

 

It’s then that his mother intervenes.  “Rory Hawthorne.  If you so much as participate in anything to do with fixing that bike I’ll-”

 

“I won’t!  I swear I won’t,” her son insists, raising his hands in the air in surrender.

 

“How can you trust him,” Vick asks pragmatically.  “He obviously will.”

 

“What’s wrong with motorcycles?” Madge asks quietly, and Gale peps up, ready to tell the story.

 

“When I was in high school, I found a beat up old motorcycle just like Rory.  I was working part time at the mechanic shop I told you about, so in my free time I would stay there and fix it up.”

 

“That sounds like a good hobby,” she comments.

 

“Yeah, I saved up or scavenged for all the spare parts.  It took me about three months, I think, to get the thing running again.  And when I finally finished the bike I drove it home.  The first thing Ma said to me was-”

 

“-I wouldn’t let my son drive one of those things around,” Hazelle finishes, looking slightly irritated, but also nostalgic.  “Those motorcycles are dangerous.  Do you know how many people get into accidents riding them?”

 

“She really went off on me when I insisted on keeping it,” Gale chuckles.

 

“What happened to the motorcycle?  It was fixed up and everything,” Madge asks observantly, and Hazelle and her son share a small smile.

 

“Ma took it one day when I was at school.  Sold it for a good amount of money, considering I acquired it for nothing.”

 

“And the money?”

 

“Put it into my college tuition,” he concludes, as if it were obvious.  Gale’s mom is smiling with nostalgia and Madge can’t help but smile too, because it’s beautiful that she taught him to put money he worked for into giving him more opportunities, she turned that motorcycle into a lesson.

 

* * *

 

 

After Christmas, school starts to pick up more quickly.  At least is does for Gale; it’s his last year of college and he’s really putting in that extra effort into his studying.  He’s already gotten into graduate school for a masters in engineering, but he’s not sure if he wants to stay in school for another three years.

 

“What are you going to do instead?” Madge asks.  They’re at his apartment in his room watching shows on her laptop and snacking on candy.  She has her textbook in her lap, but isn’t really able to concentrate on it.

 

“Some firms might hire me right away, that’s what I’m hoping for,” he replies while playing with a piece of her hair.  “I just want to get out school and live my life, you know?  But I could always do graduate school.  I suppose.”

 

“Then you’d still be close to me…” she reminds, still unable to fathom what next year is going to be like if he’s gone.

 

Gale’s arm around her shoulder pulls her close, and he presses a kiss against her forehead.  “I know.  It’s just that I’d rather be making money than spending money on tuition.”

 

“Makes sense.”

 

So he applies for as many engineering firms that he can find.  Madge doesn’t know much about it except that he spends all night editing resumes and cover letters and goes in for a couple of interviews.  Their relationship has become to habitual that she doesn’t need him to take her out and entertain her in any special way; being together is enough, and they savour it as they should.

 

“Hawthorne’s so lucky that he’s graduating,” Jo sighs one afternoon while they’re hanging out in her dorm room.  “I keep thinking that it’s my last year of school too for some reason, then I realize I have an entire year more to go.”

 

“I think I’m going to miss it.”

 

“I won’t, I hate school.  You know that.”  Even if they met each other here, Madge knows that college was always more of the wish of Jo’s parents than her own.  If it were up to her she’d be travelling or finding a job already.

 

“I know, but it’s kind of scary, don’t you think?  Living on your own and doing… adult things.”

 

“I feel like once you get the hang of it it will be fine,” Johanna shrugs.  It’s hard to picture, and Madge always thought it would be a gradual transition from school to work.  But the closer it gets, the more she realizes that it’ll come all at once, she’s still unsure how to deal with that.

 

Madge doesn’t wallow in it for long, though.  She still has an entire year to think things through.

 

Gale on the other hand, figures it out just a month later.  He’s waiting outside one of her lecture halls with a smirk on his face, wearing his dad’s old leather jacket.  The weather’s only been improving recently, and Madge appreciates the change in sight.

 

“Hey,” she smiles, walking up to him coyly.  “What are you doing here?”

 

“Just wanted to wait for you,” he shrugs, getting up to walk with her.  There’s no discussion but they know that they’re headed back to his place.  After a couple more paces, he spills the good news.  “I got a job.”

 

“Really?” Madge exclaims, stopping him in his path.  “When?”

 

“I got the call an hour ago.  It’s the junior associate position I was telling you about, the one upstate?”

 

“That’s amazing!” she laughs, throwing her arms around him and holding Gale tight.  It’s good news, he’s going to graduate and leave college to jumpstart his career, it’s, “It’s upstate.”

 

“I know,” Gale says, and then he swallows hard.  “That’s why I came here.  I wanted to talk to you about that.”

 

So they talk about it.  The job he took is in a city upstate, it’s really only a two hour drive away.  But that’s far enough for them to not see each other everyday, and that honestly scares Madge quite a bit.  Many things about the future scare her these days, but she thinks they can do it.

 

“You’ll call me everyday, right?”

 

Gale chuckles as they walk up the stairs to his apartment.  “Of course.”

 

“And you’ll visit me here.”

 

“Why are you talking about it like it’s already here?” he asks, and then he backs her into his door, hands around her waist and face close to hers.  Madge knows it’s this sense of proximity, of nearness, that she’s going to miss.  He’s always here to comfort her, and she’s afraid that’s going to go away.  “I still attend this school until the end of the year.”

 

“When do you start?”

 

“July.”

 

“That’s too soon,” she laughs sadly, but Gale kisses her lightly on the lips.

 

“Hey, we’re going to make this work, okay?  I promise,” he offers.

 

And she knows that it’s unlike him to make promises he can’t keep.  Their whole relationship was based on realistic expectations or some sort of honesty that made them different.  So now either they’ve given that up for hope that this will work out, or Gale really believes this will all be fine.

 

Madge doesn’t want to speculate which one it is.  So she kisses him back; she pulls on the lapels of his jacket and just breathes him in.

 

* * *

 

**Senior Year**

 

Senior year starts off manageably hard, as expected.  Everyone in Madge's class is either worn out by a fourth year of rigorous studies or excited to finish and move on with their lives.  Either way, everyone's eager to graduate.

 

Madge doesn't really know where she fits into that comparison, though.  She's a little lost if she's to be honest, scared and unsure about what she's going to do with herself once she gets out.

 

"You could always come back home for a while.  Teach piano, work at the music shop, keep me company..."  Delly lists off during one of their calls.

 

"No offense Dell, but my parents would be so distraught if they sent me to school for four years, only for me to move right back home."

 

Her friend laughs.  "I know, I know.  I guess I just wish that I could see you more often.  I... I really miss you."

 

"Or /you/ could move to the city and all of our problems could be solved," Madge points out.  Delly's brother  was doing just fine, she did a great job of looking after him and all his treatments had gone to plan, as far as Madge was aware.  Delly had no excuse not to leave their little hometown anymore, and Madge knows that she'd love it in the city.

 

"I could..." Delly ponders.  "But I don't know if I can trust you.  I know that you're just lonely right now."

 

And she's right; Madge is horribly lonely on campus this year.  She has Jo, sure, and she's made some other low commitment friendships over three years, but Gale is far away, and that's enough for her heart to hurt and to crave more daily affection.

 

As for Gale, he seems to be doing just fine on the other side of the state.  They Skype almost every other day, he tells her about all the characters he met at his new office and the type of work that he's doing.  Madge nods along and listens carefully, but most of the time she just misses his stupid face and is happy that he's happy.

 

"And yesterday night a couple coworkers invited me out to the bar.  I was tired and not in the mood, but I figured it would be a good idea to get to know them, prove that I'm not a total buzzkill," Gale recalls, and Madge laughs while looking at him through the laptop screen.

 

"No one could possibly think that you're a buzzkill."

 

"You're only saying that because you love me."

 

"You went to the bar," she reminds, going back to the story.  Then what happened?"

 

"Oh yeah.  Well, everyone here drinks that beer that you love, but that I think is fucking disgusting.  What was it called?"

 

"Everyone drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"Oh my god, I need to move there right away," she jokes, grateful that Gale told her that story and that he's been thinking about her.  "Not even for you.  Just for my beer preference allies."

 

"That hurts," Gale chuckles.  He stares blankly for a second, and then he runs his fingers through his hair.  "You wouldn't like it here too much though.  Not enough people, you love the city too much."

 

"You're probably right," she shrugs.  Obviously she would never move upstate if someone paid her too, but she does terribly miss him an awful lot.  "Are you coming to visit next weekend?"

 

"Yeah, I'm driving up right after work on Friday," he replies, and Madge's smile grows into a bigger, more genuine one.

 

"Good.  I miss you."  These days, she kind of misses everybody.

 

"I really miss you too, Madge," he whispers, and they both know that even if their relationship was built on words left unsaid and anticipation, this isn't the kind of situation where they want to wait.  Madge just wishes they could be together, long distance is harder than she thought it out to be.

 

She tries not to drag out their Skype calls too late, Gale needs to get to work the next morning and she still has classes, but they both wish they could just keep looking at each other and talking through the night.  It's usually when the first person yawns that they start to wind down their interactions and say their goodbyes.

 

When he comes to visit her, that's the best though.  They hang out off campus and do whatever they feel like doing.  Gale jokes that he wants to stay off campus because he doesn't want anything to do with that place anymore, only going back to sleep in her dorm.  Madge knows that he's partially serious, so she easily complies.  Besides, the college campus is starting to bore her too.  She'd rather spend a morning at the museum or shopping down a crowded street.

 

"Wow, I missed this park so much," he exclaims as they walk hand in hand through the green space one weekend.  It's still early fall, the trees are still green and the air is just starting to cool.  "I used to run through here, I forgot how much I loved it."

 

"It’s really is pretty, isn't it?"

 

"I really want to move back to the city, I'll find a way to do that one day," he promises to himself, and Madge smiles to herself, knowing that his decision has nothing to do with her but likes the idea of him moving back closer to her.  But she supposes that it doesn't mean anything, she doesn't even know if she's staying here next year.

 

Gale isn’t able to come every weekend, and Madge wouldn’t want him to anyway.  That would just tire him out, and she knows that she can still call and text him as a decent replacement.  But obviously seeing each other in person is best, and she would drive over to him on her days with no classes, if only she had a car.

 

“What, are you just going to get him to drive you everywhere when you end up living together?” Jo asks one afternoon while she’s having a smoke.  Madge sits beside her on the bench and reads, but looks up from the book when she hears her friend’s words.

 

“Who said anything about moving in together?”

 

“I did.  Unless you guys have other plans.  You two _have_ talked about what you’re going to do after graduation, haven’t you?”

 

“Kind of,” Madge snaps defensively, but then she reflects.  ‘Not really.  I don’t know.  I don’t have anything planned out after graduation, if I’m being honest.”

 

“Me too, but that’s because I’m me.  This is very unlike you,” Johanna observes bluntly.  “Isn’t it stressing you out?  Madge Undersee, not having total control over the meticulous details in her life?”

 

“Well, now it is,” Madge accuses, now that Jo has planted the seed in her head it’s probably all she’s going to think about for the next week.  Therefore she changes the subject for now, nodding at her friend’s smoke wedged between her fingers.  “You told me you were going to quit.”

 

“I know, I know,” she promises.  “I’m already cutting back.  Don’t worry about me, give it a few months and I’ll be so healthy that I’ll be around to bug you for the rest of your life.”

 

She laughs.  “I hate you.”

 

Jo just shakes her head and ashes the cigarette.  “That’s not true.”

 

Neither of them have the near future totally figured yet, but it’s alright.  Maybe they’re both closeted optimists, hoping that things will just fall into place in the end.

 

And there’s evidence to prove that theory.  The year goes by rather quickly with no major bumps in the road all throughout the winter break.  Gale came to visit almost every other week, and they’d been video calling whenever it was possible.  He didn’t get a three week break from work like Madge did from school, but they saw each other for two days after Christmas Eve, she went to visit his family and a spend a little time with the Hawthornes.

 

January seems to be progressing the same way until Katniss runs into them in the dorms.

 

Gale is visiting for the weekend as he does, and they just came back from dinner.  Madge already has a couple of movies picked out on her laptop for them to choose from, but Katniss stops them in the halls.

 

“Gale?” she calls, looking confused but also happy to see her old friend’s face.  “Hey!  I can’t believe it’s really you.”

 

“Hey, Katniss,” he grimaces back, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking at the ground.

 

“What are you doing on campus?” she asks obliviously as her eyes finally dart towards Madge, standing beside her boyfriend with wide eyes.  “You know that you don’t go here anymore right?  You graduated last year.”

 

She tries to rack her brain for an excuse, some sort of explanation for why they would be together right now.  It’s how they’ve been operating for a year and a half after all.

 

“Um, well we-“

 

“I’m visiting Madge,” Gale butts in, stating the truth loud and clear.

 

“Visiting her?” Katniss laughs, she seems like she doesn’t really understand the words.

 

“Yeah.  We’re dating.”

 

“How long have you been-“

 

“Almost two years.”

 

Everyone stops talking then, just letting the information sink in.  Madge can barely believe that they’ve been dating for that long, she’s shocked by the number when Gale says it out loud.  And for almost two years they’d been hiding from Katniss, both of their friend, sometimes passively but often with intent, because they were too scared of this reaction they would get out of her.

 

“Two years?” she repeats in disbelief.  “Two of my best friends have been dating for _two years_ and I didn’t even know?”

 

“I’m sorry you have to find out like this,” Gale tries to explain.  “We just-“

 

“No, don’t go all cordial on me.  You always do that, I deserve more than that, I think.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean.”

 

“I just need an explanation.  Did you hide it from me because we dated?  Because I don’t care about that, I’m just angry that both of you decided to lie to me.”

 

“It’s not that black and white, Katniss.  You hurt me too.”

 

“When?”

 

“When you broke up with me,” he responds.  Madge should be surprised that they haven’t talked about the way their relationship ended since sophomore year, but when she racks her brain she really doesn’t know when they could’ve done that.  It barely took Gale two months for him to jump into Madge, and even then he was bitter about how cold Katniss had been.  “That phone call.  What the fuck was that?”

 

“I don’t know, it was a hard year for me.  Do you expect me to explain myself after all this time?”

 

“No, I’m just trying to prove my point.  How do you expect me tell you every bit of my life when you literally told you didn’t need me anymore?”

 

“I doubt I said that.  And it wasn’t just ‘not telling me,’ you went out of your way to make sure I didn’t know.”

 

“That’s not true.”

 

“Well that’s all I can assume, right?  Because you haven’t told me anything!” Katniss snaps, and it doesn’t seem like she has any steam left.  She sighs and steps back, still staring at Gale’s stoic face.  “I just need to time to think this through, I think.  A lot of time.”

 

“Wait, Katniss, just-“

 

“I really can’t hear it,” she concludes, laughing humorlessly and retreating down the hall.

 

And they go to her room too, they lie on her head but Madge decides not to bring up the movies at all.  She doesn’t really know what to say to comfort him, she just knows that he’s upset in the worst way.  Gale lies down with his head in her lap and doesn’t look up, so all she can do is stroke his hair and listen to him.

 

“I guess she had to find out eventually, right?  I don’t even know how she was in the dark for so long.  We were so stupid.”

 

“It’s hard to fathom now,” she agrees.  Only the bedside lamp it on, casting a warm light over the back of her boyfriend’s head and one face of the wall.

 

Gale rubs his face with his hands and shakes his head.  “And I just keep thinking that this was all my fault.  You wanted to tell her too, you wanted to do the right thing.”

 

“I’m not a saint, Gale, I’m as guilty as you are.”

 

“I love you so much,” he whispers earnestly out of nowhere, taking her hand from his face and clutching it with his own.  Madge is grateful that he knows that she’s there for him, and that even through all of these problems she’s going to be right beside him for all of it.

 

“I love you too,” she answers back with no games and all sincerity.

 

Gale kisses her hand slowly and then goes back to thinking.  “I still know I could’ve done something though.  I knew that she was having a hard time that year, at home and… with other things.  She was going to go start seeing a therapist.  And then I had to take it all personally and decide to fuck up the whole friendship.”

 

“You weren’t impartial, it was hard to be objective like that.”

 

“I know,” Gale promises.  “But I think I was in the wrong, still.  I think I fucked up.”

 

Madge doesn't know how to mediate situations like this, nor does she think she has a place to.  All of this is as much her fault as is it Gale’s, it's just that Katniss and Gale were closer, they'd been friends for years and that mattered more to her.

 

They try not to bring it up after that night, but Madge probably would if she didn't know that Gale was hurting so much.  She can tell by the way he lacks the same enthusiasm and joy he used to have when they would call, he's throwing himself into his work to distract himself, and that leaves less time for their relationship.

 

It goes on like this for a while.  Meanwhile, Madge just tries to concentrate on her senior year, no matter how little of it is left.

 

One Friday afternoon, Gale texts her letting her know that he won’t be there until late because of work things.  Madge insists that he doesn’t have to come if he’s too tired, even when she does miss him dearly and hasn’t seen him in a while.  He texts her anyway.

 

**_Gale:_ ** _I’ll come, don’t worry about it.  I miss you._

 

But he never indicated how late he would actually be, and Madge can only study renaissance influences of music and browse job listings with no intent for so long before her eyelids start to get heavy and she starts to lose hope.  Her hope was that she and Gale would go out for a drink or something when he arrived, but it didn’t seem like that was happening.  So she turns out the lights and lies down.

 

It’s getting hard.  It’s getting hard to pretend everything is the same when something truly has changed between them, something to do with Katniss but maybe also just the way they are.  Madge feels like a chore that Gale has to tend to or something, and she isn’t sure if it’s just the distance getting to her head or if there’s really something wrong, but she’s too scared to ask.

 

Madge sleeps until sometime during the night, it couldn’t have been that long because the glow from her computer screen is still behind her.  She stirs awake because someone is shifting the blanket to tuck in behind her, and immediately she relaxes.

 

“Sorry I woke you,” Gale whispers, pressing a kiss to her shoulder and pulling her in.

 

“It’s okay,” she replies while finding his hand and interlacing the fingers.  For a few minutes Madge really tries to go back to sleep, closing her eyelids and trying to go back to her slumber.  But she hears Gale’s breathing and knows he’s awake, and her heart’s beating quickly but she couldn’t tell him why so she turns over and stares at him.

 

As suspected his eyes are open, and he looks back at her like he’s trying to find out if she’s changed.

 

“You really didn’t have to come so late at night.  You could’ve driven tomorrow morning, or stayed home.”

 

“Didn’t you want to see me?” Gale chuckles humorlessly.  “Don’t worry, honestly.  My boss invited a couple of us out for dinner, to talk about the firm and whatever.  And then I was having some issues with my car.”

 

“You should get a new car.”

 

“I’m saving up,” he responds, and that makes Madge laugh for some reason, because they’re always one step ahead of each other.  She strokes his face slowly, she isn’t used to him shaving everyday but he does it now and she doesn’t mind it.

 

They seem to just stare at each other for hours.  Madge doesn’t know why, but even while Gale is right in front of her holding her and talking to her, she feels like she misses him.

 

“Wow, you must be pretty important to your boss if she invited you out to dinner,” she comments jokingly.

 

“Maybe,” he shrugs.  It’s too late for small talk and teasing, she can tell by his furrowed brow and the way that he must be thinking.

 

“What’s on your mind?”

 

“Madge, can you kiss me?” he asks with some sort of vulnerability that she can’t describe.  Madge has never seen it before, so she willingly complies, pressing her lips against his softly and letting her eyes flutter shut.  She hopes that her kisses bring him the comfort or the reassurance that he was looking for, otherwise she doesn’t know what use she has to him anymore.

 

He still feels the same.  There isn’t anything about his touch or his smell that has changed at all.  There shouldn’t be any difference between how they are right now and how they were last year, but for some reason it feels something is ending so Madge clings to it.

 

She manages to cling onto it for longer than she expected, the pieces of their relationship that hadn’t rusted or vanished.  It’s a month later before Madge realizes that Gale hasn’t talked about anything that hasn’t been work or his family with her in forever, and his calls and texts feel different, solemn almost.

 

Apparently Gale comes to the same realization simultaneously.  Sometime in March he comes to visit her, but he doesn’t have anything packed for overnight.

 

“I just… I just don’t really know what we’re doing anymore.”

 

“With long distance?” Madge asks, desperate for clarification.  “I know it’s been tough.  But if you’re talking about everything else, I guess I don’t know what to tell you.”

 

“Not everything else.  Just, some things.”

 

She’s not blind, or clueless.  She knows.  “It feels like we’re treading.”

 

“Exactly,” he nods, and then his face softens.  The silence doesn’t feel uncomfortable, they’re on the same page, Madge just wishes that they weren’t.

 

So she starts to discredit herself, like she always does it situations like these.  “You didn’t have to come out all the way to school to break up with me.  I get it.”

 

“I’m on my way home to visit my family,” he explains, and she holds back the laugh, as if the idea of Gale trying to kill two birds with one stone comforts her at all.  

 

“Okay,” she shrugs, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and looking away.  “I guess, I guess that’s it then.”

 

“I still love you.”

 

“You don’t get to do that.”

 

“What do you mean?  It’s true, I still love you.  We need a break from _this_ but I’ll always need you.”

 

“Why are you like this right now?” Madge laughs humorlessly.  “We were never about hyperbole and empty promises.  You know that it’s going to fuck me up.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to be,” she spits back.  Stepping into the door frame with a hand on the knob.

 

“Madge,” he pleads, as if he’s the one being broken up with.  “Please, I-”

 

“Please don’t drag this out,” she begs, already feeling an emptiness in her chest and tears welling in her eyes.  “It’s really hard.”

 

He doesn’t stop her when she closes the door that time.

 

* * *

 

Madge spends the next two weeks coming to terms with the fact that it’s all really gone.  Things really aren’t that different from before.  She’s still alone at school, having barely figured out her future and wallowing in her unspoken fears.  It’s how she knows that the breakup was just, it was on the road to happening anyway if nothing has changed.  Gale just knew to pull the bandage off.

 

The pain is dull, not sharp like she thought it would be.  Maybe a lump in her throat that makes it hard to swallow, or a pit in her stomach that makes her want to coil.

 

Manageable, she supposes.

 

* * *

 

It takes another week for the her to really get used to her situation.  But just as Madge’s brain starts to feel slightly better, her body acts up.

 

She’s bloated and feels heavy, and nothing really looks appealing to eat.

 

Her breasts are a little sore, but she continues to look past it.

 

It isn’t until she racks her brain for the last time her period came and can’t quite remember that she finally buys a test from the drugstore.

 

* * *

 

_“Hello?”_

 

“Hey, Dell.  You’re still visiting me this weekend, right?”

 

_“Yeah, of course, I’m driving over tomorrow.  What, is there something wrong, Madge?”_

 

“No.  I mean, yes.  I- look, when you get here I need you to drive me somewhere else.”

 

_“Sure, of course.  Where do you have to go?”_

 

“I need to talk to Gale.”

 

_“...”_

 

“Dell?  You still there?”

 

_“Yeah, okay I’ll drive you.  Isn't he far away though?”_

 

“Around two hours, I think?  I've never actually done it.”

 

 _“Gee, that_ is _far.  What could be so important that you need to drive two hours to talk to your ex for?”_

 

* * *

 

They had always seen eye-to-eye on kids.  Even though they were still young Madge would sometimes entertain the thought of marrying him and raising their kids together.  Never did she think the opportunity would come so soon.

 

And Gale was always accommodating, so fucking accommodating.  He used to do everything in his power to make her feel comfortable, make her feel listened to.

 

She expected that telling him would be much of the same again, Gale would be willing to stick by whatever decision she made and pretend to be indifferent.  Jo had asked why she had to travel all the way to see him in person about this when if it were her, she probably wouldn't even tell the guy.  Madge didn't think it needed explaining.  The minute she showed up at his home and told him the news, the only clear reason why she went through the trouble to come all the way over here was obviously because she wanted to keep it.

 

Madge just didn't expect Gale to have the response that he did.

 

 _“I want it too,”_ he had said.   _“If you're going to have our child and raise it then of course I need to be part of their life.”_

 

_“You don't have to say that because you think it's the right thing to do.  I'm keeping it whether you care or not, it doesn't have to involve you.”_

 

 _“I didn't even get to have a dad after the age of ten.  If I'm going to be a dad now I can't half-ass it.  I couldn't live with myself for that.”_ It's a point she hadn't considered, something that made the whole arrangement seem inevitable.

 

When she gets back to the car Delly puts down her phone quickly and starts to ask questions.

 

“What did he say?”

 

Madge shrugs.  He said a lot of things.  He also didn't say a lot of things.  “He wants to help me raise it.”

 

“Really?  How would that work?”

 

“He said that he's going to find work in the city.  For the first year or so I’m going to take care of it, breast feeding and all that.  And then, when it's old enough, we’re going to take turns.”  They had figured it out right then and there.  Everything they were going to do to raise this child together.

 

“And?” her best friend asks.

 

“And what?”  She didn't think that she had missed anything jarring, and the details were yet to be worked out.

 

“How do you feel about it?”

 

It's such a straightforward question, Madge supposes that she should have a straightforward answer.  But instead she shakes her head while biting back tears, a couple leak onto her jeans.

 

“Hey,” Delly coos, leaning over to the passenger seat and embracing her in a warm hug.  Madge latches onto her best friend, she presses her face into Delly’s shoulder and doesn't hold back on crying anymore.  “It's going to be okay, I'm right here for you through the whole thing.  You know that, right?”

 

“I know,” she sobs.  “But… but I’m still scared.”

 

“It's okay to be scared.  But do you know what it makes you that you're doing this on your own, that you're going to be a mother?  It makes you brave.”  Delly strokes her hair slowly and hugs her tight.  She's so good, her heart is filled with nothing but genuine kindness and love and Madge would be nowhere without her.  “If this is what you want, then there's no need to cry about it more than once.  You're doing this, okay?  You’ll learn to stay strong, you just watch.”

 

Madge wishes she could hold Delly’s optimism, but for now she doesn’t know how to.

 

* * *

 

She supposes that things start to fall into place soon after.  Not many people find out, she’s still early in the first trimester and isn’t showing whatsoever.  Madge tells Jo though, she has to because she needs _someone_ on campus to divulge everything to.

 

“So you’re going to raise your baby in the city?” she asks curiously, taking all the news uncharacteristically calmly.

 

“Yeah.  I’m going home just before it’s born, for my parents to take care of me for a little bit.  But then I need to find a place to live, I’ll probably teach piano at the conservatory while I look for something more permanent.”

 

“We can live together,” Jo spurts, as if she’s been withholding the idea for months.  

 

“What?”

 

“We can be roommates.  We’ve been practically living together for four years, I know I can stand you.  And… I could help you, with the kid and all that.  You don’t deserve to be alone.”

 

The self-loathing Madge that got dumped would say otherwise.  She doesn’t know why everyone is being so kind to her.  “Really?  I mean, I’d love to live with you.  It makes financial sense, but don’t do it because you think you need to help me or something.”

 

To that, Jo just scoffs.  “You always think that people would rather do anything else if it weren’t for hurting your feelings.  You mean more to me than that, you’re my best friend.  We’ll help each other, it’s only fair.”

 

It sounds like something to look forward to.  House hunting and Jo’s cooking and living with one of her best friends every single day.  The details are yet to be worked out, but Madge can barely wait.

 

It’s stressful, but it’s also… refreshing.  So much of this year she had felt lost and completely devoid of motivation to move forward in her life.  Madge wasn’t sure about her job, her living situation or even if she was going to stay in the city, but now she knows.  Maybe she’s just been thinking too hard about herself for too many years.  Now she can put her efforts into someone else, someone that’s just hers, and it might not be what she had planned before, but it’s a new direction.

 

It becomes hard to concentrate on that sometimes during the pregnancy, especially when she’s bloated and peeing all the time and the bills from her and Jo’s new place are starting to come in.

 

But she’s right.

 

She’s right about the change.

 

It takes five hours in labour to give birth to her daughter.  Gale was there for the whole thing, sitting on a chair next to her hospital bed, and sometimes when it hurt and she shrieked and cried, he would grab her hand and squeeze it tight, comforting her back into a level head.  She’s sure that if she were to ask him about it after, he would pretend not to remember.

 

But when Dakota Hawthorne is born, she already has feathery blonde hairs on her head.  She has eyes so grey they make Madge cry, but when her daughter breaks into a smile the tears seem to fade away.

 

And she changes everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Interested in reading about Madge and Gale raising their kid together after all of this happened and seeing how they deal with their history? You can read my story Taking Turns, but this is a stand alone to me. Please check it out if you have the time. :)
> 
> Thank you for the read! Comments and kudos are appreciated, so much so.


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